I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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