sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
