I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
