Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
