I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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