oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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