My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
