Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
