you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
