ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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