MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
