Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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