Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize