A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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