Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
