Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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