dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
