god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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