I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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