i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She announced her abortion via fbk
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
