I could make wine with my vomit
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize