i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
