my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
