I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
