My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We got so high we made milksteak
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
