I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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