i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
