you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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