too bad you live with your parents still
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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