I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
