are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
