Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
