wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
