She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
