So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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