apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
