K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
