got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
