My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
