don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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