if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
