I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
