ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
