so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
