My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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