he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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