People with herpes should wear stickers.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize