Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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