the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
