I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
