guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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