you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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