we should wear snuggies to the strip club
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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