You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
