she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
