I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
