My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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