Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
