she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
