I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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