the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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