god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
