i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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