just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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