DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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