I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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