There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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