He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
