Will you blow on my dice?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
