Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
