i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
